In my uncle's garden
Tuesday, November 19, 2002

I'm still feeling pretty normal, although there are a few little signs that I'm pregnant, so I don't feel quite so much like I'm imagining things. I can feel my uterus in my belly, especially when I lie down, and when I stretch I feel a sharp pain near my pelvis where the ligaments are straining.

I've slept badly the last few days. I'm okay until about 4:30, and then I wake up to pee, and when I go back to bed I sleep fitfully, if at all, until it's time to get up. My dreams are vivid and weird and upsetting. I feel quite bitter, actually; this is supposed to be my last chance to get lots of sleep!

The pregnancy websites talk about insomnia, but they seem to be referring to problems sleeping because of discomfort, not because of anxiety and weird dreams.

We went to the midwife last Wednesday. It was a rather uneventful meeting; she did a basic physical (all good), felt my uterus (appropriately positioned) and we listened to the baby's heartbeat, which was loud and emphatic. He's still moving around a lot; she had to reposition the Doppler a few times to find him. The next ultrasound should be fun...

I asked about how we will get home from the hospital if we have a hospital birth. She said if we go home pretty promptly she would give us a ride, otherwise we'd take a taxi. I don't much like the idea of taking a taxi: fussing with our new car seat for the first time, me bleeding and tired and hungry and sweaty, the baby cold and scared, the taxi careering around the city madly in that way they do. Boo. The more I think about it, the better a home birth sounds.

Plus I'd love to freak out our security guard by taking a baby out of the building that never came in. I'd love to see the look on his face as he puts two and two together and realizes what just happened in his building.

Is that weird? I think it is.

I bought our first baby thing yesterday, the first thing that's for the baby, not for me or Blake, but for the baby. The new person who will be living with us. It's a rocking chair that you can use as a bouncy chair (it has vibrating technology!) for a baby and then as a rocker for an older toddler. It was on sale at Toys R Us.

Immediately after I bought it I wondered if I'd made a mistake. Maybe we won't need a bouncy chair, maybe the car seat we will get will do. But if we get the Cosco 3-in-1 I don't think it will, so maybe it wasn't a bad idea. And really, it was $40. Normally I don't agonize over $40 purchases (because I'm lucky, and I don't have to). But something tells me this is the first $40 of many, many dollars, and I don't want to misspend any of them.